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My least favorite teach EVER gave me a (presumably incorrect) VERY BAD GRADE in her class, so I gots to go in Monday and yell at her until it gets fixed.
Anybody hear a good one lately? [img]images/smiles/icon_sad.gif[/img]
Gods grace man! I was looking for comfort, not punishment! [img]images/smiles/icon_eek.gif[/img] What’d I ever do to you
The passengers on a small plane are a quite surprised when the pilots arrive.
The pilots walk up the aisle, both wearing dark glasses. One has a seeing-eye dog, the other is tapping his way with a white-tipped cane.
The cockpit door closes, the engines start up.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway. People by the windows realize they’re heading right towards the water at the end of the runway.
Panic ensues. Screams fill the air. At that very moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot. "Y’know, Bob," he says. "One day they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die."
[img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]er, I take it you didn’t like it then.
how’s about this.
There’s a Mexican, a Russian, and an American floating
on a raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The Russian
pulls out a quart of Vodka takes one swig and throws the
rest over the side.
The American says… What the hell did you do that for?
The Russian says (in Russian voice)…In my country we
have plenty too much Vodka. The Mexican pulls out a
quart of Tequila, takes a swig and throws the rest
overboard.
The American says…What the hell did you do that for?
The Mexican says (in a Mexican accent)… In my country
we have too much Tequila. The Russian says to the
American…
What do you have too much of in your country? The
American picks up the Mexican and throws him
overboard.No offence to any Mexicans – I am half Mexican myself.
Juan Javro el paso.
or this?
A little girl came running into the house bawling her eyes
out and cradling her hand: "Mummy, quick! Get me a
glass of cider!" she wailed. "Why do you want a glass of
cider?" asked mum. "I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want
the pain to go away!" Confused, but weary of the child’s
whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of
cider.
The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it. "Ouch! It
still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!" whined the little one.
"What are you talking about?" asked her puzzled mom.
"Well, I overheard big Sis say that whenever she gets a
prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider!!"Thats more like it.
This guys walking down the street one day when he sees a two herses followed by a man with a dog, being followed by a line of other men. Curious, he walks up to the dog walker and asks "whats going on here, two herses and you following and all?" The dog owner replies, "The first herse has my wife, the second has my mother in law, and this is the dog that killed them." The man asks "Can I borrow that dog?" The owner says, "you’ll have to wait in line just like everybody else."
It seemed better when my dad told it.
Guy walks into work one morning and finds a colleague laughing really hard at his desk. "what’s up" he asks his mate. "well, this morning I made a Freudian slip" "what the hell is one of those" he asks.
"It’s when you say what is on your mind, rather than what you mean, so, I was at the train station, and the lady serving tickets had incredibly large breasts, and instead of asking for a ticket to Tooting (station in London), I asked for a ticket to titting!"
They both laugh and get on with their work.the next day, the other guy comes in to find his mate pissing himself with laughter at his desk. "What’s so funny" he asks. "I made one of your Freudian slips this morning" he says. "My missus asked me what I wanted for breakfast this morning, and instead of saying bacon and eggs, I said "fuck off you fat ugly bitch, you’ve ruined my life!"
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