I got this email the other day that I find hillarious. Lets see if you like it:

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT

Customer: Hi How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I’d like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It’s my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks.
But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday
of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You’ve got to be kidding!

Clerk: I’ll check and see if we have any paint available

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn’t mean that we have paint available. We sell
only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh,
and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don’t have
any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a
day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the
store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you
purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many
gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five ga llons. Make that six, so I’ll have
enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy paint and don’t use
it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint
you already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall
and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do
the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already
paid you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used,
every drop. If you don’t, it causes us all sorts of
problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I
don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically be comes the
$200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these "Paint on sale from $10 a litre"
signs?

Clerk: Well that’s for our budget paint. It only comes in
half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second
half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have
labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the
empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I’ll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don’t think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your
bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room
from someone else, but you won’t be able to paint your connecting
hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point
out sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a
gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!&nbs p;

Clerk: That’s if you paint around the room to the point at which you
started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in
one direction, you’ll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we’ll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on
your next gallon of paint. But I believe you’re getting it
now, sir.

Customer: You’re insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with us!

Fucking Brilliant!