Atlanta show in the fall

[erin the great]

"Annastefka" wrote:

OH Erin, marriage happens when two people fall in love…it happens….also…..I was 29…..and really wanting to do the family thing. I have been in my realationship for almost 20 years…..there are good days and bad…like everything else. That being said I think there is something to be said for staying together "for the sake of the children" Something has been in the air lately (Saturn opposite Uranus) and many relationships have been feeling the need to work on problems or restructure. I was with 5 Mothers on Thursday and everyone of them was talking about how difficult their marriges are at the moment. One of my friends actually said "I hate him right now" YIKES. If I were to split with my husband it would be a finacial disaster for both of us…and it would have a tremendous emotional impact on the kids. My husband and I are so perfectly matched astrologically, we never fight or argue in front of the kids, well maybe we have, like three times ,raised our voices at each other…but in almost 19 years thats not too bad. The real reason we don’t fuss and fight very much is probably because of me….my husband is double Leo with moon in Sagittarius…I don’t want to fight with fire, there is no winning in that situation for me. I was raised in the deep South where I was taught women let men be "the boss of the apple sauce"….and we try not to meddle in their business dealings, we offer advice but we don’t push or force our ideas. We keep them fed and keep their house clean. We talk sweetly to them, tell them how proud we are of them, we make love to them when they need it because we understand that sex is one of the most effective methods for draining the toxic buildup of stress inside their bodies…We keep the children well manured and make sure they are doing well in school and if all that is done with grace and gratitude….the men in turn are patrons for us. Financing our greatest and most worthy creative endeavor…our homes and our children. I know it’s sort of old school but it works for me. My Mother in Law gave me great advice, she said "women are intelligent and intuitive and you must learn the art of allowing your husband to be in control, like the captain of a ship, but you understand that you are his first mate and he is relying heavily (is dependent) on your advice,wisdom and love."

First off, wow, it seems like you and me were raised totally differently. I grew up in Baltimore, and the women in my family had seen first-hand the horrible things men can do to women (…I’m not going into that) and they taught me to be cautious and told me that everybody on this earth, no matter what sex organs they have… are striving for the same thing on this planet and are therefore equals. I didn’t form my own self-identity… I didn’t graduate high school…I’m not busting my ass and working a hellish job to get through college… just to serve a man. That concept makes me pissed off to say the least, especially as an "intellectual". I personally believe (…and have observed that) the only way a marriage can function correctly is as a two way street, where respect is shared equally between the people involved, and communication is integral). Boundaries should also be set.
That’s one of the main reasons why I love my boyfriend so much… we’re not only lovers, but we’re best friends as well. I don’t take care of him because it’s my "duty as a woman", I take care of him because I genuinely love him and it makes ME happy to see HIM happy, and vice versa… I make love to him not as a ‘service’, but because we both thoroughly enjoy it and it strengthens our bond. Not to mention no matter what’s going on, when we’re together the world around us doesn’t matter. But all of this is now and I hope marriage wouldn’t change any of that, but what do I know? I only know what I have personally observed about marriage and my previous experiences in relationships.

[Robert]

"erin the great" wrote:

I didn’t form my own self-identity… I didn’t graduate high school…I’m not busting my ass and working a hellish job to get through college… just to serve a man. That concept makes me pissed off to say the least, especially as an "intellectual". I personally believe (…and have observed that) the only way a marriage can function correctly is as a two way street, where respect is shared equally between the people involved, and communication is integral.

I couldn’t agree more. Simple as that.
Don’t rush into marriage, you should certainly not feel pushed into it(though I’m guessing that you’d never allow that to happen,) let it happen if/when it feels natural for the both of you.
Being so aware of the pitfalls, I’m sure your marriage will work out fine should you choose to get married.

[Annastefka]

ERIN, fudge my cap lock, oh well, I want to reply to you in a well thought out way….things change when you become a Mother and I will address that…..I wish I could take the time to do it right now but I can’t. My days are so busy from sun up to sun down and beyond. Then the whole freakin’ things starts all over again the next day….Okay….I’ll be back because I want to share something with Erin but I must go now.

[jeremiah]

oh, I couldn’t care less about money. that’s why I’m enduring tremendous amounts of stress to get myself a degree. what I’m truly worried about is the currently perfect relationship between me and my boyfriend slowly deteriorating… we’ve been dating for a couple years and he’s been hinting to me that he’s looking into getting a ring. i don’t want all the stuff annastefka was talking about to happen to us. however stefka’s husband sounds very different than my boyfriend .

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