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how can you tell if a hippys been to your house?
he’s still there!
why did the hippy cross the road
to spare change the chicken
what do you give to the man who has everything?
antibiotics [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
[ 01-17-2002: Message edited by: bean ]What did the Guitarist get on his IQ test?
Drool
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
five-one to change it while the other four keep the guitarists from hogging the light.
How do you make a Swiss Roll?
Take him up on a mountain and give him a push.
Saint Peter is checking ID’s at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn’t sit on my laurels–I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That’s quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn’t selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who’s next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
St. Peter’s still checking ID’s. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen…"
-How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
-Just one to hold the light bulb, while the world revolves around him
-How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
Five… One to change it, and four to stand back and say "I could do it better." [img]images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img]
-What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer! [img]images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img]
-What do you call a guitarist that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless! [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
-How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, the roadie does it for them.
**
-How do you know a drummer’s at your door?
-The knocking speeds up.
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On the topic of funny, I saw the cover of People magazine in the store today. There’s a picture of Michael Jordan and his soon-to-be ex-wife, and the caption says "Slam-Dumped!" I thought it was pretty good.
how many indie kids does it take to change a light bulb?
you don’t know?! you don’t know!?
why is italy the shape of a boot?
because that much shit won’t fit in a sneaker!
Whats the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
She puts on her cloths and goes home.
A man goes to the doctors office one day and says "you gotta help me doc, I haven’t had a bowel movement in over a week!" So the doctor gives him a laxitive prescription and sends him on his way.
The next week the man comes back again "It didn’t work doc, still nothing." So the doctor gives him a stronger laxative and sends him home.
The next week the man comes back in and say "Doctor, I don’t know whats wrong, I still haven’t had a bowel movement!" So the doctor looks at him and say "what do you do for a living?" The man says "Why, I’m a musician"
"Oh" the doctor replies, "here’s ten bucks, go buy yourself something to eat."
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
-one but he breaks about six before he realizes you can’t push them in.
-two, one to hold the bulb, and the other turns the throne.
</font><blockquote><font>quote:</font><hr><font>Originally posted by rosa:
<strong>-How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?-None, the roadie does it for them.
</strong></font><hr></blockquote><font>
hehe, that was a good one.
A man is eating his lunch at a resteraunt, when he notices that all of the waiters have a number of spoons in their shirt pocket. He asks one of them whats up and he replied "We had these efficiency experts come in, and they said that spoons are the most frequently dropped piece of silverware, so we carry a few clean spoons around so we don’t have to keep running back to the kitchens."
Sure enough, the man drops his spoon on the floor during the meal, and he is instantly given a clean one by a waiter. He notices that all of the waiters have a string hanging from the fly of their pants.
"Whats with the string" he asks the waiter
The waiter replied-"The efficiency experts decided we could save a few seconds when we go to the bathroom if we don’t have to touch ourselves, so when we go to the bathroom, we just tug on the string and we can go without touching ourselves."
" Thats great," the man replies, "but how do you get it back in"
"well, I don’t know about the other guys, but I use a few of these spoons"How about this one
A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams again, pushes her breasts and with a face of horror she sighs, and so it goes on.The doctor says, "You’re not really a brunette, are you?"
She says, "No, I’m really a blonde.""I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
Sorry about the band jokes.
What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
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What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone?
A optimist.
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A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?""Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"
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A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I’d like to look at the accordions, please."The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."
After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I’d like the big red one in the corner."
The store owner looks at him and says, "You’re a drummer, aren’t you?"
The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"
The store owner says, "That `big red accordion’ is the radiator."
***
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