The Bearded Man Incident

[FlyingCloud]

I have no clue what this story is about, who wrote it & why, but I think it’s a nice read, especially the Dinosaur Jr – alien connections :aliensmile:

http://www.cockrockdisco.com/cat-dalton.html

… but: A bearded man, looking like J Mascis

The Bearded Man Incident

It was 4am, at Leo Carrillo State Beach. My two friends and I were hunting for the same aliens we had seen a week earlier, in order to make contact. We drew a large circle in the sand and stood inside it to protect us from evil forces. A small, red, laser-like light attracted our attention in the bushes nearby, so we followed it. It spun and flickered like Tinkerbell or a firefly. I got close and tried to grab it, but suddenly realized there was a large bearded man right in front of me! I didn’t want to grab him– I walked away briskly but calmly, so the alien would not sense my fear. I always regretted not talking to the man, since it was the alien taking on human form in order to communicate in the English language, but it was too frightening. I remember the man’s bushy face and husky smell, like a wildebeest caked in mud. He was a cross between Blackbeard, the "fiercest pirate of all,"according to The Pirates of Colonial North Carolina, and J. Mascis.

The week following the bearded man incident, I took supplies out to the same bluff and located the bladderpod bush where he seemingly came into being. I remembered noticing he had been wearing a Dinosaur Jr. t-shirt, and it was shredded as though he had waded through sharp foliage. This was the first proof of his existence, because bladderpod is thorny and could easily rip holes in clothing. A second clue was that the Dinosaur Jr. tee was an appropriate selection for an alien to wear on a beach with strong prehistoric history of dinosaurs having roamed there. He had looked a lot like J. Mascis, leading me to believe that the alien had adopted a rock star identity as a disguise. Another clue, which almost sealed the case, was the empty Camel box crumpled on the trail. It was upon seeing the cigarette box that I knew I had encountered an alien species, a being who was interested in the indie rock music scene here in America.

Why would aliens care about rock music? Why would they care about the pilots and sailors swerving in and out of crashing waves in their vessels, through the Bermuda Triangle? We may never know. I have one strong theory, however. It comes from The Rainbow Book, a collection of essays and illustrations devoted to rainbows and spectral sequences. In an essay entitled, "A Wave: Something Else That Moves," the author asks if any other particles of matter, besides light, can move through matter from one point to another. The answer is sound: sound particles can travel in waves. On a tuning fork, for example, air molecules are compressed at regular intervals by vibrations of the fork. Alternate regions of compression and rarefaction move away from the fork, so the air molecules create soundwaves that move through the fork’s tines and travel outwards. This is no new idea­­, the amp that J. Mascis plugs his guitar into can magnify sound and send it spiraling out into an audience that fills up a huge amphitheater. It’s not that Dinosaur Jr. could have played a show so loud that aliens in outer space heard it, but maybe this species that I saw has some way of tuning into distant sound vibrations, and somehow was attracted to the noise. Just as Quiet Riot yelled "Cum On Feel The Noise," maybe the alien did feel it, and he liked it.

Scientific proof can be invented for any situation, so I don’t understand why some things are considered fact, and others fiction. Theoreticians such as Pythagoras, Plato, Aristotle, and Cicero discussed the actual notes that one can supposedly hear being made by each of the planets. They would have loved Dinosaur Jr. I don’t care if I ever find all the lost shit in my house, because there are so many other things to think about, like where to get an amp that can be so loud that aliens will hear it and want to dress up like me.

[AGAP]

:aliensmile: :aliensmile:

"It’s not that Dinosaur Jr. could have played a show so loud that aliens in outer space heard it, but maybe this species that I saw has some way of tuning into distant sound vibrations, and somehow was attracted to the noise"

Makes perfect sense to me :aliensmile: :aliensmile:

[Bucky Ramone]

Quote:

"It’s not that Dinosaur Jr. could have played a show so loud that aliens in outer space heard it"

…..well, remembering the volume of the Dinosaur/Fog/Stooges tribute shows I attended J. at least tries to be heard a couple of galaxies away…..

Funny story! (you should read the whole story BTW… )

Quote:

TRINIE DALTON is a writer living in Los Angeles. She’s an MFA student at Bennington Writing Seminars, and is also working on her first book of short stories. You can find other writing by her in upcoming issues of Fishwrap, Yeti, X-tra, and LA Weekly.

[squeapler]

cool story, if anyone could attract aliens with his guitar I think it would be J with all his effects

[Bucky Ramone]

J. abducted by aliens? :aliensmile:

Quote:

Was J abducted by aliens?

Taken from Guitar Player, October, 1994.

J Mascis, regular guy, is superstitious? "Yeah, I’m a little paranoid, a little psychotic," he says in his characteristic tone, a quite sleepy mixture of William Burroughs and a Malibu surf dude. "I’m into… aliens. I was thinking I had been visited, but I don’t know for sure, so I was thinking of being hypnotized to find out. That should clear up a few things. I just don’t want to know what they’ve done to me. It can’t be pleasant."

J holds his arm out, pointing to a faint but distinguishable triangle shaped scar near his left elbow. "I was getting a massage while I was on tour, and had it pointed out to me. That night, the opening band had these two alien magazines with pictures of all these people with triangle scars on their backs and behind their knees." He takes a last sip of Whispering Heaven. "I’m like, ‘Oh, great. Just what I need.’"

[expect nothing]

Greaat Story :aliensmile: :aliensmile:

[SG]

I have that Guitar Player issue

[fata morgana]

I thought my life was fucked up, but this takes the cake. :slap: :aliensmile:

[Author]

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