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God, I’m in THAT mood again, admitedly I’m like this every other day these day’s. I can’t stand where my life is, I can’t stand living under my parents roof, I can’t stand the fact that I’m a failure as a son to them. I can’t carry on with this shit. Last night I didn’t say much at the dinner table, I didn’t have much to say. And then they had to bring the project up, knowing DAMN WELL that I don’t like to discuss school work with them. But they just feel as though they have to know every detail. Maybe that logically makes sense, but I don’t like talking about homework, and they get so suspicious when I can’t answer every question, but I can’t answer every question, that’s why I write this shit down. And we got into it, and I shut up again. Suspicion and parinoia orbiting the table. And I got done first, and I sat around and waited for my dad to finish. And when he was done we were just kind of sitting there, and he asked me what I was thinking and I honestly answered: "I’m just waiting for dinner to be over so I can go on with my day." And so they decided to do the dishes before cofee. And I wasn’t saying much during dishes, just drying away and my dad sets in on me. "Oh, do you think you’re better than we are? Here we are putting off our coffee so you can go do what? Read a BOOK? Is that what’s sooo important. . ." blahblahblah. Asshole. I’m so fucking sick of this kind of shit. I’m sick of the worrying about the school I’m only going to so my Dad can die an accomplished human being. I love my parents to death, and respect their worries, but I think they’re wrong about college being the end-all be-all of life. I don’t want to be rich, I want to live and see what’s out there. And I’m not seeing it here. If I’m to die before forty, I don’t want to waste that time working towards a career I won’t see.
Dad says there are times in our lives where we can see we’re heading towards a trainwreck but can’t do anything about it. I’m heading towards two trainwrecks. One has a lot of arguments and me leaving in a storm. The other has me taking the easy route and being in this sort of mood for the next four years.
Dennis Leary says that life sucks and that happieness come in small doses (A cigarrette, a piece of chocolate, a five second orgasm). I have a feeling he is right, but golly do I want to prove him wrong.
"malcom" wrote:If I’m to die before forty, I don’t want to waste that time working towards a career I won’t see.Well, I spent 4 years in undergrad and 2 years in grad school, and I don’t have a "career" either. And I don’t really see one in sight. This is due to the fact I don’t know what the hell I want to do and the fact that the job market is fucking shit. Things will fall into place for you eventually. At least I’m expecting they will for me.
As Ron Jeremy wrote when my friend got his autograph, "rock out with your cock out!" But I mean that metaphorically.
Ouch
and I don’t mean that metaphorically
Definitely sucks, thats gotta be hard to live with. Sounds like some boundaries need to be outlined with your parents….good luck
With you on the living your life thing, sometimes you can do both, school part time, work enough to afford to split a cheap place with friends. Space can do wonders for a relationship with parents. Too bad that semester abroad didn’t come about, would have been a pleasing chance to do both without the intrusive parents.
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