top thing that screwed you up

[OriginalPosterLost]

I was never meant to be follower. Yet, in my teenage years I did dive in. I didn’t possess the self esteem to actually be a leader. I had my own opinions but I always felt like a xerox copy of friends.

Kayle and Krisch led me to the chair once. I wonder if they knew I would be going back. After examining some things I’ve done to others in my life, I wouldn’t rule out capitol punishment. I was very young, maybe 7 or 8. I grew up inside the prison gates and was friends with the warden’s kids, and Snow. Once, me and the warden’s kids trekked thru the prison just checking it out. We came to the room the death penalty was carried out in. I sat in the electric chair with a K on each side, symbolizing kinetic energy, and no potential. I had my picture taken and still to this day do not know where it went. It was a pleasent rehearsal. It’s one of those things from early childhood that is hard to shake, and potentially scarring if thought about too much.

Later on in life I got to thinking about my electric chair experience. I wondered if it had rendered my soul tarnished by the evil that was executed there. After all, I do remember it vividly. I do believe it’s true that there are souls left in both of our shoes. If the silence takes me then I hope it takes them too. For awhile as I sank into deep depression certain songs would conjure up those beasts. Take Joy Division’s Dead Souls for instance:

Someone take these dreams away
That point me to another day
A duel of personalities
That stretch all true reality
And keep calling me
They keep calling me
Keep on calling me
They keep calling me

When figures from the past stand tall
And mocking voices ring the hall
Imperialistic house of prayer
Conquistadores who took
their share
And keep calling me
They keep calling me
Keep on calling me
They keep calling me

He singing about dead souls contacting him from the beyond. I have yet to communicate with the dead, whether it be sinner or saint. Every once in awhile I do get a jolt of energy passing thru, but cannot link it directly to electricity. Never follow, it could lead to nightmares.

[Author]

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