Small Penis
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"Robert" wrote:I can’t understand how you could be so evil, Hampus is a beautiful name.
It’s a nice warming feeling to be evil sometimes
"Sasha" wrote:"girl" wrote:Sasha, may I say that it is terrificly brilliant of you to have made your first post in this holyiest of holy threads? There was one other girl that did the same thing but I’m pretty sure she ran away and joined a convent never to return again.Is it coincidental that I heard about this thread in a convent…?
Oh Rich, where are you? I want you to teach me how to break dance and then wow me with your archery skills.
"Robert" wrote:Should we raise the alarm ?
The last time we heard from Sasha was when she disclosed where she heard of the small penis thread.
Since then, el zilcho.Am I wrong to be sort of nervous for her well being ?
Frightened away by the small penis thread… never! Kidnapped by leprachauns maybe
"girl" wrote:Sasha! I’m going to claim a holiday in Vermont! It’s going to be dedicated to international kidknap vitims all over the globe."Sasha" wrote:Kidnapped by leprachauns maybeRight. Lucky for us the leprechauns are still a little bewildered and can’t find both of their socks this soon after st. patricks day.
From freakscenes standard form 5; hostage situations and how to resolve them.
1a.Has there been made any ransom demands ? Ransom demands ?! All we have are oranges and two tin cans with string between them, and there’s no way we’ll give away either of them.
1b.It’s probably best not to engage in any negotiations with the kidnappers. Kidnappers are scary people in general, many of them have weapons and bad breath, so it’s best to avoid contact with them all together.This goes on for a while, so I’m just gonna jump to section 8 paragraph 33 1/3:
If the kidnappers are believed to be creatures from fairy tales or simply figments of your imagination, go to plan 2d, ‘The Marriage of Mayhem & Havoc.’Ok, Sasha, we’re gonna keep this nice and simple, just follow these easy instructions step by step and you’ll be allright.
When the purple moon hangs outside your window, make your way to door #3 from the right.
(the purple moon is actually a purple crayon circle on cardboard, that’s all we could afford on our limited budget.)
Out on the streets you will see 3 flares being fired. Yellow. Blue and Green. If the nun is crossing the street under the yellow flare it means this road is blocked by the meanies. Under the blue there should be parked a white Volvo, if there’s a red X painted on the roof of this car(sorry mum, I swear it’ll wash right off,) then it’s safe to follow the green flares.
Proceed until you see the banker dancing with the bear, that is the signal to turn right, that is unless the beaurocrat is painting the picket fence with a pomeranian. If so you need to locate the butchers shop belonging to Hillary Briss, stop by and pick up two packets of the special produce.
Seeing as you’ve waisted precious time stopping at a butchers shop during your escape(what were you thinking ?!) you need to put on your running legs. These will be hidden behind the dumpster.
Now all you have to do is simply toI’m terribly sorry, it seems I’ve written down something about buying mangoes and not forgetting about picking up some clothes at the dry cleaners. Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot my cellphone today so I needed to jot these things down to remember them, I’m sad to say that I did so on your escape plan.
Wait, I am able to make out the last lines;…and that wasn’t so difficult, was it ? At least there was more leg room than in the back of a car.
And those stains of shame will wash right off.
Congratulations on your freedom. Please post in the small penis thread when you’re home so we know you’re safe.That sounds about right. Good luck Sasha !
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