Small Penis

[Robert]

"girl" wrote:

On behalf of kidnappers everywhere, I find this offensive.

Now now, ease up a little girl, we both know you fall in under the sexual predator category, and thus there should be no reason for you to be offended.

[girl]

Oh right, right.

Sexual predators carry badges like the FBI, right?

[Robert]

"girl" wrote:

Oh right, right.

Sexual predators carry badges like the FBI, right?

Naturally. That’s one of the many perks of the job.

[girl]

Being able to say "Up against the wall!" and then proceed to frisk people in a very inappropriate way is one of the reasons I got into the business.

[Robert]

"girl" wrote:

Being able to say "Up against the wall!" and then proceed to frisk people in a very inappropriate way is one of the reasons I got into the business.

Ah yes, the good old is that an erection in your pants or are you just afraid you would see me so you brought a gun ?routine.
That takes me back.

[girl]

You have the right to remain sexy.

[Robert]

Anything you have to say, you’ll have to say it while you undress.

[girl]

Yes. And you have to start by taking your sweater of first. And when you take it off it shows that part of your stomach where I love to run my tongue down…
You’re going down punk on me

[Sasha]

"Robert" wrote:

"Sasha" wrote:

Kidnapped by leprachauns maybe

Right. Lucky for us the leprechauns are still a little bewildered and can’t find both of their socks this soon after st. patricks day.

From freakscenes standard form 5; hostage situations and how to resolve them.
1a.Has there been made any ransom demands ? Ransom demands ?! All we have are oranges and two tin cans with string between them, and there’s no way we’ll give away either of them.
1b.It’s probably best not to engage in any negotiations with the kidnappers. Kidnappers are scary people in general, many of them have weapons and bad breath, so it’s best to avoid contact with them all together.

This goes on for a while, so I’m just gonna jump to section 8 paragraph 33 1/3:
If the kidnappers are believed to be creatures from fairy tales or simply figments of your imagination, go to plan 2d, ‘The Marriage of Mayhem & Havoc.’

Ok, Sasha, we’re gonna keep this nice and simple, just follow these easy instructions step by step and you’ll be allright.

When the purple moon hangs outside your window, make your way to door #3 from the right.
(the purple moon is actually a purple crayon circle on cardboard, that’s all we could afford on our limited budget.)
Out on the streets you will see 3 flares being fired. Yellow. Blue and Green. If the nun is crossing the street under the yellow flare it means this road is blocked by the meanies. Under the blue there should be parked a white Volvo, if there’s a red X painted on the roof of this car(sorry mum, I swear it’ll wash right off,) then it’s safe to follow the green flares.
Proceed until you see the banker dancing with the bear, that is the signal to turn right, that is unless the beaurocrat is painting the picket fence with a pomeranian. If so you need to locate the butchers shop belonging to Hillary Briss, stop by and pick up two packets of the special produce.
Seeing as you’ve waisted precious time stopping at a butchers shop during your escape(what were you thinking ?!) you need to put on your running legs. These will be hidden behind the dumpster.
Now all you have to do is simply to

I’m terribly sorry, it seems I’ve written down something about buying mangoes and not forgetting about picking up some clothes at the dry cleaners. Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot my cellphone today so I needed to jot these things down to remember them, I’m sad to say that I did so on your escape plan.
Wait, I am able to make out the last lines;

…and that wasn’t so difficult, was it ? At least there was more leg room than in the back of a car.
And those stains of shame will wash right off.
Congratulations on your freedom. Please post in the small penis thread when you’re home so we know you’re safe.

That sounds about right. Good luck Sasha !

[Sasha]

"girl" wrote:

Yes. And you have to start by taking your sweater of first. And when you take it off it shows that part of your stomach where I love to run my tongue down…
You’re going down punk on me

Rawr

[girl]

From this day forth I declare that this smiley <

---

that one right there, shall be known as the Sasha smiley. *signs official looking document with a feather pen*

[Sasha]

"girl" wrote:

From this day forth I declare that this smiley <

---

that one right there, shall be known as the Sasha smiley. *signs official looking document with a feather pen*

Oh no commitment to a single smiley for life. The pressure.. The pressure!

[girl]

Oh no! *rips up contract*

I know what’s it’s like to be confined to one smiley. I used to be married to this guy

[Sasha]

"girl" wrote:

Oh no! *rips up contract*

I know what’s it’s like to be confined to one smiley. I used to be married to this guy

He doesn’t look like one of the most agreeable smilies to be married to

[K7 Rides Again]

So, I got an email a while back telling me I needed to hop on the boards. I didn’t, but I guess I should have.

I see Dino is coming to my neck of the woods in the near future which. Good news indeed.

I see when posting, the logout issue still exists. Mumbles to self…copy/paste *string of expletives*

I see there has been a recent surge in new members. Sweet.

I also see a bunch of posts by a bunch of people on a bunch of threads that I haven’t seen in quite some time (the posts, the threads, and the people).

And so I ask myself…WTF?

[Author]

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